I did a whole day at work today. Not only did I do a whole day, it was a productive whole day. For the first time in weeks I felt I was of some use. Which, let’s face it, is a relief because I AM meant to be the boss.
In my ongoing treatment for Hepatitis C, the word for Week 6 has been balance. I’ve attempted to find balance when I didn’t like my test results and not spiral downwards. I’ve worked at a home/work balance, acknowledging that I needed another day a week away from work. I’ve worked at a health/life balance where I know I have things to do, but I also know I can leave them sometimes because I need to, my health demands it of me.
And finally I’ve worked at a guilty/not guilty balance. Like all the over-achieving OCD people around I feel guilty if I’m not operating at my peak. Well - surprise surprise I am not at my peak. That’s not my fault, it’s the fault of Hepatitis C, the drugs I’m on and the stress of treatment.
I’m going to try and look at it like this: balance and rest are my new jobs. They are my most important jobs. They are the jobs that trump all others. I am going to be the best darn rester and balancer EVER. That appeals to the OCD control freak in me.
So as we march on to Week 7, let’s hope for continued balance. Please let me not turn into the reactive, teary, over-wrought unbalanced person I was last week. I wanted to leave myself, but every time I tried, I came along.
It was like The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension
: “Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.”