“What are you doing here?” growled the Watchdog.
“Just killing time,” said Milo apologetically.
“You see - ”
“KILLING TIME?” roared the dog, so furious his alarm went off. “It’s bad enough wasting time without killing it!” And he shuddered at the thought.
Norton Juster - The Phantom Tollbooth

Often we make a commitment to something and it all sounds very reasonable, until something unrelated, unexpected and unplanned blows it out of the water.

So it was this weekend.
I am an equestrian jumping judge. I officiate at a range of jumping and eventing competitions and am often booked up months in advance. I’ve been very aware of my limited energy and have turned down a few judging opportunities. I had committed to judging at this weekend’s local one day event. It has had great entries, with around 300 competitors coming for the weekend.

Normally this would not have presented a problem. Knowing I had this commitment this weekend I would have made sure I had sufficient rest through the week and that I was not taking on too much. Unfortunately the week of the one day event and my uncle’s funeral collided. I couldn’t have foreseen this and certainly couldn’t have planned for it. I just had to do the best I could to get it all done.

That’s something that I never really thought about before I started to become sicker. I never thought about having to reserve my energy for “must do” jobs. I just did them all. So this weekend has been a bit of a slog and I’m very pleased to be home in my pyjamas in front of the fire.

Tomorrow I’m heading in to watch some of the cross country. It’ll be nice to be able to march to my own timetable.

This six month period on treatment has made me very possessive of my “free” time and I tend to be a little like Gollum if someone tries to take my time away from me (my preciousssssssss!). Because time isn’t really free, is it. You portion out blocks of time, dividing it, sharing it, cutting it into smaller and smaller pieces, watching it disappear like smoke through your fingers. You come to see it as a shining jewel: hard to find; highly prized; a price far above rubies.

“Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need, the time you need to have the time of your life. ”
Norton Juster - The Phantom Tollbooth