Karen Hoyt is a blogger who has a story about hepatitis C, cirrhosis, end-stage liver disease, liver cancer, and liver transplantation. This excerpt first appeared on Karen’s I Help C blog.
After being sick with cirrhosis, going through treatment for Hepatitis C, liver cancer, transplant, and ALL THAT STUFF, I can feel a bit off sometimes. Physically, my hands and heart tremble like little tiny earthquakes are going off inside me. Mentally… yeah, I kind of quiver there too. It doesn’t take much to get it started either. Sometimes, I wake up with a frightening feeling – like the door to my house is open. I’ve gotten up and checked often enough that I don’t even bother any more. I know that my safety is assured. It’s something like feeling unsafe, but not quite….. I can’t always put my finger on it. It’s like I’m all shook up with PTSD from liver disease.
All shook up with PTSD from liver disease
As my cirrhosis got worse, so did the HE. With hepatic encephalopathy, we start to experience a lot of feelings – and can also think the same thoughts over and over. This energy, or shakiness, can be pointed in many directions.
You may turn it inward and focus on your own undesirable traits, or you can point it outward. It can get interesting either way.
When you choose A and point it inward, and it’s self torture.
When you choose B and point it outsward, everyone else gets tortured and you can get abandoned in your suffering.
I choose C. It stands for change. If it is up to be, it’s up to me! The bottom line is that when I’m shook, I can use poor judgment. I don’t like to feel bad about my choices, so I’ll look around at who, or what, to blame. (victim story: poor me with the HCV, cirrhosis, cancer, transplant)
The 3 R’s – I can recognize those thoughts without buying in. Then, I refuse to take action based on those thoughts. I recall the feelings that were the seed of those thought patterns. I give myself a hug and then CHANGE the subject.
The following one liners were on a little card at my bedside. At night time, and morning, they reminded me of what to do when I got all shook up...Click here to read Karen’s suggestions on how to get unshook.