It’s the Little Battles that Count
I was close to saying the hell with it, especially when I was told at week 4 there “was no detectable virus.”
I usually can’t sit still. I always have to be doing something. That’s who I am (or was). Sit for a bit then get up and maybe do dishes or wash the kitchen floor or vacuum or garden or something. I was finding that I couldn’t do a thing. Getting out of the chair was a chore that left me breathless.
Depression set in and I was ready to quit. Thanks to Tim and Ann for encouraging me.
My poor son, who is 12 years old. He’d ask for us to do something like we used to -- go for a walk, play a game, whatever. The response, however, has been “Mommy’s too sick, sorry maybe in a while.” The look in his eyes and on his face is enough to break my heart. Well, that “in a while” isn’t until friggin August when I’m done with these treatments
Today I feel good. I made him an apple crisp and finally filled his cookie jar (he’s been asking for chocolate chip cookies for weeks now). I can’t wait to see the look on his face tonight when I pick him up from school and he finds that! YAHOO!! It’s the little battles that count and the little things that count for a kid.
He is having a hard time with his “new” mom and wants his old Mom back. We have -- a suggestion from Ann -- written the timeline on the calendar and we are tracking progress that way. He seems to be OK with that. However, he’s still having problems with other kids when they do things like ’Yo Momma’ jokes. Last night at scouts, one kid said to him“ ”Yo momma is so old she forgets everything.“ He took that to heart because that is one of the symptoms of the meds. There were another one or two ”yo momma“ jokes, including a ”fat" ones. When he told me that one I had to laugh and he got upset. I explained that I’m not fat anymore; I’ve lost about 18 pounds -- another side effect of the meds.
Love the weight loss, hate the way its being done.
As for my sister, she is so depressed right now because of what I’m going through and what her brother -- not mine; that’s a story for another day -- is going through that she is eating constantly and is the heaviest she’s ever been. I’m worried about her too but, I can’t do anything right now. I need my strength to encourage myself to continue going through this for my son. But I love her dearly, she is always there for my son and that is important to me.
Things are looking up and I know this is only one day of more energy than usual and it came at a very important time for me. Tomorrow might be different but for today, I’m happy.
Keep fighting the fight everyone.