Hepatitis C: To dream the impossible dream
When I think about about not working part time though, it’s not the actual reduction in hours I miss. I miss the ability to get all my appointments and meetings done without constantly rushing. I guess that’s the downside to life as a grown up, so I shall endeavour to put my chagrin to one side and move on with my life. Without whining. (Fat chance.)
So far I’m managing to keep my head above water. I sometimes feel like I still don’t quite have a firm handle on everything. I sometimes feel like I’m missing the nuances. But I’ve been very fortunate that in coming back, I have been allowed to pick up the reins and take my position back again without any internal warfare, power plays or subterfuge. I’m back, everyone is okay with that and we keep doing the great job we’ve been doing all year.
I think that sometimes one of the hardest things about coming back to work after a prolonged absence is not being quite sure of the ground under your feet. Are you on shifting sands? Are you on quicksand? Or are you on firm soil that allows you to continue to build on your place in the organisation you work within? Being away sick can sometimes mean coming back to a new power base. Allegiances shift and reform. New leaders come, old leaders go. Sometimes you need to renegotiate your place in the food chain.
Without a doubt though, the best thing about coming back to work is the capacity to do so. This is the impossible dream! After having lived with the side effects of hepatitis C for so long and lived with the fear that it will take away one’s health and capacity to work, knowing you CAN work is an amazing feeling. Having come out the other side of 6 months of treatment and knowing it is behind you and (hopefully) you’ll never have to do it again is an amazing feeling. Feeling your strength come back and knowing your stamina is improving is an amazing feeling.
So here I am. Seven weeks post treatment. Working. Busy. Sleeping. Eating. Exercising. Doing more each day because it’s possible.
Perhaps I’ll get that impossible dream after all. Five more weeks will tell.